If Bieber was the companion
He’d baby baby baby oh Instagram the details
Then make a Zoolander cameo
If Harry Potter was the companion
He’d expelliaramus in battle
Hit on Amy Pond
And have a screwdriver vs wand duel
If Hawking was the companion
He’d roll his eyes at every turn
Correct the Doctor’s miscalculations
And end fighting him wielding a spoon
If Murdoch was the companion
He’d find a way to capitalise
Hack the Dalek’s cellphones
And beat them through the headlines
If the Doctor picks a new companion
We could live in a different world
If the Doctor picks a new companion
The changes could be absurd
If the Doctor picks a new companion
The Earth could run amuck
If the Doctor picks a new companion
Let’s hope he don’t stuff it up Let’s hope he don’t stuff it up If Simon Cowell was the companion
He’d scour space and time
To assemble an alien boyband
He could both profit off and criticise
If Kim Kardashian was the companion
She’d make trips a reality show
Wear almost nothing
But still sell it as a range of clothes
If Aquaman was the companion
He wouldn’t be much use
Unless they went underwater
Then he might be of some use
If Madonna was the companion
She’d make each trip a Madonna show
Get Sycorax backing dancers
Then make a time travel fitness video
If the Doctor picks a new companion
We could live in a different world
If the Doctor picks a new companion
The changes could be absurd
If the Doctor picks a new companion
The Earth could run amuck
If the Doctor picks a new companion
Let’s hope he don’t stuff it up Let’s hope he don’t stuff it up If Sheldon Cooper was the companion
He’d turn the TARDIS into a lab
Deal with his mummy problems
And be soothed by casual maths
If Miranda Kerr was the companion
The Doctor wouldn’t be able to concentrate
She wouldn’t help much with the soloutions
But her episodes would look truly great
If Oprah was the companion
She’d inspire aliens to reach their dreams
Find a future weight loss solution
And interview ancient celebrities
If Kylie Minogue was the companion
Oh wait, we’ve already done that
You remember that Titanic episode
Yeah, she’d do that
If the Doctor picks a new companion
We could live in a different world
If the Doctor picks a new companion
The changes could be absurd
If the Doctor picks a new companion
The Earth could run amuck
If the Doctor picks a new companion
Let’s hope he don’t stuff it up Let’s hope he don’t stuff it up Let’s hope he don’t stuff it up